"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow." — Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
The Day Everything Changed
In November 2023, I married my best friend. Steve and I stood before God and our families, making promises we meant with everything in us. I remember the weight of his hands in mine, the steadiness in his voice when he said his vows, the way everything else seemed to fade until there was only this moment, this covenant, this beginning.
We had traveled such a strange road to get there — meeting online, years of long distance, meeting at Peace Arch when borders kept us apart, finally closing the gap and building a life together. The wedding was not just a celebration; it was a culmination of faith that God had been working even when the path seemed impossible.
What Marriage Is Teaching Me
I am still a newlywed, still learning the rhythms of married life. But already, marriage is teaching me things I could not have learned any other way.
Love Is a Daily Choice
The butterflies of early romance are beautiful, but they are not the foundation. Marriage is waking up and choosing to love even when you are tired, when you are frustrated, when your spouse is being difficult and so are you. It is choosing kindness over being right. It is choosing patience over impatience. Every day, again and again.
This does not mean the love is less real than the fluttery beginning. It means the love is more real — a love proven by choice rather than carried by feeling.
Vulnerability Is Strength
There is nowhere to hide in marriage. Your spouse sees you at your worst — irritable, scared, insecure, failing. And in that exposure, you have a choice: build walls to protect yourself, or let yourself be truly known.
I am learning that vulnerability is not weakness; it is the path to deeper intimacy. When Steve sees my fears and loves me anyway, when I see his struggles and stay close — that is where real connection happens.
Two Whole People, Not Two Halves
The world often tells us to find our "other half," as if we are incomplete without a partner. But healthy marriage is not two halves making a whole — it is two whole people choosing to share their lives.
Steve and I both had to do our own work before we could be good partners to each other. Our individual healing, growth, and relationship with God are not replaced by marriage — they are the foundation that makes marriage possible.
The Covenant Matters
Marriage is not just a contract; it is a covenant. The difference matters. A contract is conditional — you break your end, and I am released from mine. A covenant is unconditional — I made a promise before God, and I intend to keep it.
This does not mean abuse or extreme situations should be tolerated — wisdom and safety matter. But it does mean that when things get hard, the answer is not to run but to work. The covenant calls us to faithfulness even when faithfulness is costly.
"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." — Mark 10:9
Building Something Sacred
Steve and I are building something sacred. Not perfect — never perfect — but sacred in the sense of being set apart, intentional, held in honor. Our home is meant to be a place where God is welcome, where grace flows freely, where we practice loving each other the way Christ loves the church.
We pray together. We dream together. We argue and reconcile together. We are learning each other's rhythms, triggers, love languages. We are becoming one flesh not in a single moment, but through thousands of small daily choices.
For Those Who Are Waiting
I waited a long time. There were seasons when I wondered if marriage would ever happen for me, when the longing felt like grief, when other people's weddings made me cry for reasons I did not want to admit.
If you are in that season, I want you to know: your waiting is not wasted. God is doing something in the waiting that prepares you for what is coming. Trust the timing. Trust the Teacher. And do not let longing make you settle for less than what God has for you.
For Those Who Are Struggling
If your marriage is in a hard season, I want you to know: hard seasons do not mean failure. Every marriage has them. What matters is what you do in the hard season — whether you turn toward each other or away, whether you seek help or isolate, whether you fight for your marriage or give up on it.
Bring your marriage to God. Seek wise counsel. Do the work. Love is not just a feeling to be felt; it is a practice to be practiced. And practiced love, over time, can resurrect what feels dead.
A Prayer for Marriages
Lord, thank You for the gift of marriage — for the beauty and the challenge, the joy and the growth. Help us to love as You love: patiently, sacrificially, unconditionally. Where there is distance, draw us closer. Where there is hurt, bring healing. Where there is weariness, renew our strength. Make our marriages testimonies of Your faithfulness, sanctuaries of Your grace, adventures of Your making. Amen.